Getting Over A Narcissist

Freeing Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse

By Marlene McDaniel
Published: May 19, 2014 05:57 AM GMT / 
Updated: May 19, 2014 05:57 AM GMT

Has the relationship, separation or the break up with a narcissist all but destroyed you?  Do you constantly worry, or obsess as to why this happened and wonder if the nightmare will ever end?  Did the relationship end abruptly, without warning?   Perhaps giving you no closure, as to what went wrong and why he suddenly changed?  Is he now ignoring you, as if you never existed?  Have you tried desperately to rekindle his affection or perhaps mold yourself into what you think he wants and no matter how hard you try, nothing pleases him?  If you are currently grieving the loss of a narcissist, if the break up with a narcissist has left you heartbroken, numb and hopeless; I assure you are not alone in this journey!  

Not only have I been there, but so have millions of other women.  In fact, many victims of narcissistic relationships are often discarded and left in shock.  Many victims feel haunted by the memories of what "used" to be, and knowing, it was never "REAL"!  If this is happening to you, perhaps you too have wondered the following:  

     *  How can a man go from being everything you ever wanted in a partner, everything you have always dreamed of and suddenly change into being cruel, vicious and emotionally withdrawn? 

     *  How can a narcissist lead a completely double life and have no remorse?

     *  How can a narcissist be so convincing, so romantic and utterly hard to resist and later turn into a mean, cold, distracted, selfish, arrogant man?

     *  How can a narcissist change so suddenly?  How could he do this?

     *  Did I ever mean anything to him?  Did he ever love me or was it all an act?

You too blame yourself for the relationship ending!

Perhaps you are now left with the constant nagging obsession of thinking:

     *  "He was right, there is something wrong with me."

     *  "If only I had given him more space."

     *  "If only I was like her, he would have never left."

     *  "He's right, I was the one with the problem.  I am the one who always messed things up."

If this is you and you are currently obsessing over what you did wrong, STOP!

Many of us know what it is like to live with, love and leave a narcissist.  Personally, I have been there and I know first hand what it feels like to be haunted by the shadow of a damaged man.  I am very fortunate that I can honestly say I survived it and you will too!

While I never understood what was happening and remained in disillusion for many years, I knew that to survive the abuse, I would have to find the strength to move on and free myself from his control and the anguish he caused me.  I will admit, it was extremely painful and extremely hard to move on, however, I knew it had to happen.

Our friends and family often say things like, "get over it"!  We are often questioned and sometimes embarrassed by the simple fact, "we cannot just get over it"!

The truth is, no one knows what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves.

You may be thinking, "how can an intelligent woman fall for this type of man"?  Why didn't I see the red flags?  

When falling in love, we try desperately to avoid being hurt.  We want to spend our lives with a caring and compassionate man and any sign of selfishness is a warning sign.  Women have learned the hard way to pay attention to red flags.  They are there for a reason, to warn us. But the worse part of falling for a narcissist is that in the beginning, there are no red flags. The red flags do not surface until the narcissist achieves his goal and it is at this point, victims find themselves in a state of confusion, hurt and denial.

In the beginning he treated you like a queen and put you on a pedestal, right?

Then without warning and without red flags, he changed!

Going from being everything you could ever want in a man, to someone you hardly recognized?

After years of loving a narcissist, someone who caused me so much pain, I finally had to wake up and make the decision to move on.  After years of abuse, after years of trying, after years of giving to a man with hardly anything in return, I was calling it quits!

I had to realize that he would never change and that I wanted more than he could ever give me.  I was tired of being in a constant state of confusion, constantly depressed and most of all, I was tired of wondering and questioning myself.  I wanted the ol' "ME" back! 

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